Midnight ride...
May 25, 2003, 01:53 PM
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Midnight ride...
Some back-story, just FYI: I got my 03 Lancer OZ Rally just recently. I’ve been a good boy and after reading several threads I chose to break it in for 700 miles. (Figured better safe than sorry right?)
Haven’t done any mods yet but here’s my story.
I was up late last night; none of my friends were up to doing anything so I decided to take my Lancer out for a spin. It was about 12:30 and the roads were empty. I made note of the fact that I had about 731 miles on my car and decided to try to find a place near my house I could take my car to redline for the first time. My car is stock so I didn’t think I would be that impressed. “120 hp isn’t all that much” I thought to myself.
I tried to find a good place to floor it, but strangely there were too many cops around. So I just decided to take it out on the highway. At least there I could get it up to 80. And the onramp was a good excuse to redline, or at least that was the line I would use to tell a cop if he pulled me over.
Down by the Occoquan entrance to I-95 south there is a two wide turning lane with a light. Happens that the light was red so I stopped. I was farthest to the right and could have turned but for some reason, maybe out of being tired, or because of fate, a mystery car pulled up to me.
I couldn’t tell the make or model. But one thing was for sure; this car was pure, 100%, rice. The kind of rice rocket parents tell their children about to scare them into wearing their seatbelts. This monstrosity had a wing on it as big as a F-16, ground effects, neon lights accentuating the ground, what looked like a custom paint job and the ugliest growl from the back end I’ve ever heard. It looked like a Hot Wheels car to tell you the truth.
The passenger in the mystery mobile shot me a look and I looked back. He tapped the shoulder of his friend and they both made a mocking gesture and laughed. I could only make out their laughter from their facial expressions, as the music they were sharing with the world was too loud, masking their vocal projections. I thought to myself, “what the hell. I’ve got nothing to loose. I’ll never see these fools again.” I hit the gas while in neutral, that’s what they did in The Fast and the Furious right? I don’t know what it did but suddenly the two jokers got serious. I'm actually suprised they heard it.
I got set. I’ve never raced before in my life and I was full of anticipation and it seemed as if my vision narrowed. And I was concerned, “what was this mystery mobile?” I thought. “If I get my *** handed to me I won’t tell a soul. But if I win… heh.”
Green. I floored it, felt my front tires screech, and my car sprinted forward. My car had the jump on his and I saw his hood through my rearview mirror. “It couldn’t be… no way… is that a large Saturn logo emblazoned on his hood?” I was in shock.
Less than a quarter mile to the on ramp and I was already pushing 40 or 50mph. I wasn’t paying attention. And already I was a car's length ahead of him. I put my blinker on to let him know I was getting on the highway and he followed. I didn’t really want to race him… I already felt bad, as if seeing his car’s logo was emasculating to him and I at the same time. I felt sad for him, like the retarded kid at the supermarket that collects the baskets the lazy people can’t bring back to the store.
Like the back roads the highway was empty for the most part. And now I was laughing my *** off. I couldn’t contain myself. Here I was worried and it was just a Saturn. Then suddenly he pulled up next to my car. I was in the fast lane now, going about 60. The driver now was looking at me stoically and I noticed for the first time that he had sunglasses on. I would digress on how unsafe it is to wear sunglasses after the sun goes down but this guy has enough problems.
I shrugged my shoulders trying not to laugh as he looked at me. You never know if one of these fools was going to shoot me or if the driver was going to take his plastic car and run me off the road. He wouldn’t care, his fenders are like a squeeze ketchup bottle.
His car slowed down. And then speed up again to meet mine again. I was resolved on letting this guy retain some of whatever dignity he might have left in his composite crap clown car and just make my way home without truly racing him. But that’s when it happened. The fool cut me off, and slowed down to about 50. I wouldn’t let this stand. I couldn’t let this stand.
Road rage took over. I dropped to third, my tachometer jumped and my engine opened up a can of whoop ***. I accelerated and it apeared like I was about to hit his back bumper but I switched lanes, all the while my engine yelling at me to change gears. I got back to 60, and put it in forth in no time. He and I were both climbing to eighty. But then the fates, who brought the clown car into my life suddenly took him away just as swiftly.
All I saw was his car lurch forward, only made noticeable by the fact that through my rear view it looked like the nose of his car was trying to hump the ground. I heard a strange sound. Metal on metal, or metal on asfault. I saw a bit of smoke. And then he was gone.
I felt bad for the retard in the Saturn last night. Advanced Auto Parts has lost a good patron. A funny joke comes to mind. What’s better than winning a gold metal at the Special Olympics? Not being retarded. Change that slightly to read: What’s better than having a Saturn? Having any other car.
Shingen
PS- I have no illusions that I would have had my *** handed to me if it were any other kind of car. And I don’t look at this as a win by any means. But damn, that was funny. I pray for the man in the Saturn... I pray for him and his plastic car...
Haven’t done any mods yet but here’s my story.
I was up late last night; none of my friends were up to doing anything so I decided to take my Lancer out for a spin. It was about 12:30 and the roads were empty. I made note of the fact that I had about 731 miles on my car and decided to try to find a place near my house I could take my car to redline for the first time. My car is stock so I didn’t think I would be that impressed. “120 hp isn’t all that much” I thought to myself.
I tried to find a good place to floor it, but strangely there were too many cops around. So I just decided to take it out on the highway. At least there I could get it up to 80. And the onramp was a good excuse to redline, or at least that was the line I would use to tell a cop if he pulled me over.
Down by the Occoquan entrance to I-95 south there is a two wide turning lane with a light. Happens that the light was red so I stopped. I was farthest to the right and could have turned but for some reason, maybe out of being tired, or because of fate, a mystery car pulled up to me.
I couldn’t tell the make or model. But one thing was for sure; this car was pure, 100%, rice. The kind of rice rocket parents tell their children about to scare them into wearing their seatbelts. This monstrosity had a wing on it as big as a F-16, ground effects, neon lights accentuating the ground, what looked like a custom paint job and the ugliest growl from the back end I’ve ever heard. It looked like a Hot Wheels car to tell you the truth.
The passenger in the mystery mobile shot me a look and I looked back. He tapped the shoulder of his friend and they both made a mocking gesture and laughed. I could only make out their laughter from their facial expressions, as the music they were sharing with the world was too loud, masking their vocal projections. I thought to myself, “what the hell. I’ve got nothing to loose. I’ll never see these fools again.” I hit the gas while in neutral, that’s what they did in The Fast and the Furious right? I don’t know what it did but suddenly the two jokers got serious. I'm actually suprised they heard it.
I got set. I’ve never raced before in my life and I was full of anticipation and it seemed as if my vision narrowed. And I was concerned, “what was this mystery mobile?” I thought. “If I get my *** handed to me I won’t tell a soul. But if I win… heh.”
Green. I floored it, felt my front tires screech, and my car sprinted forward. My car had the jump on his and I saw his hood through my rearview mirror. “It couldn’t be… no way… is that a large Saturn logo emblazoned on his hood?” I was in shock.
Less than a quarter mile to the on ramp and I was already pushing 40 or 50mph. I wasn’t paying attention. And already I was a car's length ahead of him. I put my blinker on to let him know I was getting on the highway and he followed. I didn’t really want to race him… I already felt bad, as if seeing his car’s logo was emasculating to him and I at the same time. I felt sad for him, like the retarded kid at the supermarket that collects the baskets the lazy people can’t bring back to the store.
Like the back roads the highway was empty for the most part. And now I was laughing my *** off. I couldn’t contain myself. Here I was worried and it was just a Saturn. Then suddenly he pulled up next to my car. I was in the fast lane now, going about 60. The driver now was looking at me stoically and I noticed for the first time that he had sunglasses on. I would digress on how unsafe it is to wear sunglasses after the sun goes down but this guy has enough problems.
I shrugged my shoulders trying not to laugh as he looked at me. You never know if one of these fools was going to shoot me or if the driver was going to take his plastic car and run me off the road. He wouldn’t care, his fenders are like a squeeze ketchup bottle.
His car slowed down. And then speed up again to meet mine again. I was resolved on letting this guy retain some of whatever dignity he might have left in his composite crap clown car and just make my way home without truly racing him. But that’s when it happened. The fool cut me off, and slowed down to about 50. I wouldn’t let this stand. I couldn’t let this stand.
Road rage took over. I dropped to third, my tachometer jumped and my engine opened up a can of whoop ***. I accelerated and it apeared like I was about to hit his back bumper but I switched lanes, all the while my engine yelling at me to change gears. I got back to 60, and put it in forth in no time. He and I were both climbing to eighty. But then the fates, who brought the clown car into my life suddenly took him away just as swiftly.
All I saw was his car lurch forward, only made noticeable by the fact that through my rear view it looked like the nose of his car was trying to hump the ground. I heard a strange sound. Metal on metal, or metal on asfault. I saw a bit of smoke. And then he was gone.
I felt bad for the retard in the Saturn last night. Advanced Auto Parts has lost a good patron. A funny joke comes to mind. What’s better than winning a gold metal at the Special Olympics? Not being retarded. Change that slightly to read: What’s better than having a Saturn? Having any other car.
Shingen
PS- I have no illusions that I would have had my *** handed to me if it were any other kind of car. And I don’t look at this as a win by any means. But damn, that was funny. I pray for the man in the Saturn... I pray for him and his plastic car...
May 27, 2003, 11:16 AM
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I agree.........even in my town no one has a saturn that's hooked up, cause they know they'd be laughed at like crazy! Some people pick the STUPIDEST cars to hook up!
Everyone in my ****en town has those god damn rice rockets, the civics
Everyone in my ****en town has those god damn rice rockets, the civics
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Jun 13, 2003, 09:52 AM
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well im not gonna stand up against yall but i will say i own a saturn and yes i have modified it and it still whoops on a lot of things around here in NOVA. so laugh if you will but just cause you got one fool in saturn dont mean there all slow, besides from the sound of it, seems that he couldnt drive anyway.
~Devil
~Devil
Jun 13, 2003, 10:16 AM
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Originally posted by apursell
hrmm, i would like to race a saturn
hrmm, i would like to race a saturn
that would be fun.
~Devil
Jun 13, 2003, 10:42 AM
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saturn round here
There is a saturn in my town that the kid tried to fix up that is just ridiculous. It is a green four door with the grey stock bumpers, he has an exhaust, a 4 foot aluminum wing and huge white flame graphics on the side. I constantly chase him down just to destroy him in a race, but he wont race me anymore 
Jun 13, 2003, 12:03 PM
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Originally posted by Plastik Devil
um saturn vs evo.......dont think so, wait two months then ill race you in my evo
that would be fun.
~Devil
um saturn vs evo.......dont think so, wait two months then ill race you in my evo
that would be fun.
~Devil
Jun 13, 2003, 12:04 PM
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well i wouldnt go dissing all saturns. My best friends finace (spelling?) has a saturn, and hers has an upgraded turbo, intercooler, new internals, a nice exhaust, and alot of other ****. No she doesnt have a tin foil spoiler, just a new hood and front bumper so the intercooler has more breathing to it and the engine. but she has hit low 13's in it liek it was nothing. So i just wanna say not all saturns are riced out and slow.
