The names of the places have been changed to protect the characters involved... but all is true...

A good friend of mine was in the market for a new car a few days ago. I couldn't convince him to get a Lancer and of course the Evo was out of his price range, so he decided to get a car he's wanted for awhile. A 99 GS Eclipse. They had one over at *Blank* Dealership, the same place I got my Lancer, and it was in good shape with only 30,000 miles, all from the privious owner.

We got to the dealership and after looking at the four Evos they had in stock we started talking about the Evo. You all know how dealerships work, the longer you stand in one place the quicker you get bum rushed by an over egar salesman. Well, within a few minutes we were greeted by Richard.

Let me say now that Richard was a really cool guy. We chatted for about a minute and he asked my friend what kind of car he was looking for. After a little chit chat we moved to the red Eclipse he wanted to test drive.

Richard took my friends driver's license and made a copy while we waited outside. I was the one that taught my friend how to drive manual and I knew that he wouldn't have been cool driving the Eclipse so after Rich came back we asked if I could test drive the car. He was cool with it.

Let me set this up a bit. I've driven several types of cars: a Corvette, a Jeep Wrangler, a Camaro, a 3000gt, and several other sporty and not so sporty cars over the years. The point is, I know how to drive manuals with varying degrees of clutch stiffness, differing shifting characteristics, speed, acceleration, and feel... So I know how to drive, at least I would like to think I do.

I take the car out of the dealership and take it to PWC parkway to get it up to fifth and up to speed. Just to make sure every thing is kosher. I get it up to about 80 with no problem. The clutch and brakes were both a bit stiff, most likely from sitting for such a long time as Rich pointed out, and the shifting had a bit of throw but it wasn't anything I hadn't expected and I still managed to keep the shifting smooth.

Rich asked me to pull the car over on a back road. We got out of the car looked at the engine, nothing spectacular. Rich started to spew out all of the car's engine features, all stuff that he could read off of the engine like "16-valve, fuel injected (what car isn't these days?), two liter" etc etc.... by this point I am getting a little irretated and Rich asks if he can drive back to the dealership, and I agree.

After some wrangling to get my fat *** into the passenger's seat we set off back to the dealership. This back road we're on has a little curve to it and Rich decides to punch it, but it was bad.

Rich lays on the gas and lifts off of the clutch like it was on fire, shifting quickly from first to second and reving it to redline in between gears. The car lurched forward with each shift like convulsing from vomit spasims and inducing want for a similar affect from both me and my friend.

All I can do is hold my breath cause I think that at any moment me and my friend are going to die a horrible death. My obituary would read, "Died horrible death from bad clutch control."

We get back on the parkway and Rich turns to me and has the nerve to say, " I really wanted you to feel those curves... did you like how the car felt in those turns?!?" I didn't say anything and didn't turn to see the expression on my friends face. All I could think was that was the worst shifting I've ever felt. Then he says it... The best quote ever! "The reason I drive so well is because I own a 3000GT Twin Turbo."

It's just not right... I don't know what else to say... wait, I got something... Right heal, toe: gas... Left heal, toe: clutch... Gas, shift to neutral with cluch release... Right heal, toe: gas... Up shift/down shift... Right heal, toe: gas... release clutch! It's not a friggen Watltz but you gotta at least try to time it man!

I feel sorry for Rich's 3000gt... My friend did eventually get the Eclipse day before yesterday from Rich and everything is cool. The car looks friggen sweet and my friend can't wait to start to hook it up.

On a side note though, he should have gotten the Lancer he acutally paid just as much for the used 99 Eclipse as he would have for a new Lancer OZ Rally... Well so much for starting a new Lancer car club in my area... but maybe Rich will join a Mitsu car club, assuming his 3000gt doesn't quit on him.

Shingen

PS- those of you that stuck with the story and thought it was funny thank you... those of you that didn't think it was funny than I apologize... it's just my bad sense of humor.

 

Was this Sheehy Nissan/Mitsubishi in Manassas by any chance???

 

Back in 95, I had a '93 Mustang Cobra (the old body style with a badly underrated 300hp motor) and my buddy had a 3000 GT (not even a VR-4). So he is with his hottie g/f and her friend is in my car. We roll up and he starts revving - I laughed and told him not to embarrass himself. He jumps the light and starts going. I punch it and just waste him. Of course he starts making excuses, but later that night, his g/f and her friend are passing me numbers...

I guess the moral is "Don't show your dick if it's only an inch"...

 

I'll never tell but you might be able to tell from the discriptions I gave. But it's nothing against the dealership in the story, their service thus far to me has been great to both me and my friend. And, Rich is still a cool guy but needs to treat his cars better.

Shingen

 

That's cool...I happen to know one of the Sales Managers there...he's the one who is gonna hook me up real soon...

 

Kinda funny. Not gut busting, but you have to appreciate how a lot of people think they're amazing drivers.

I hope you friend enjoys his Neon...er...Eclipse.