haha found this on the cobalt forums
Originally Posted by l Sh1ft l
um actually a guy named rob would run circle around your evo.
And no, a cobalt owner did not write this so don't get so pissed becuz they talked down upon an Evo. It was found on srt-4 forums and someone put it on our car forums and I figured some people would get a laugh on here and not take it so seriously like you did.
And no, a cobalt owner did not write this so don't get so pissed becuz they talked down upon an Evo. It was found on srt-4 forums and someone put it on our car forums and I figured some people would get a laugh on here and not take it so seriously like you did.
I personally think it is funny.
so what does the person who wrote this drive?....i would like to know what street driven car would "run circles" around our evos.
oh yeah and i guess im a douche bag because if any of these cars on the list want to race me...i will.
the only thing i didnt get is "Races with these uber-fast EVOs never materialize either"
i will race anyone...even if i know i will lose....it gives me an idea of what i need to do so that next time around the tally is a "W" just like last night when i races a 2006 Z06 with some Mods.
Originally Posted by l Sh1ft l
You have never raced a ss/sc stock for stock from a roll so you DO NOT know if it will hang w/ an Evo. Notice the word hang? My uncle has a Sti who I raced from a roll and i got beat by a car. As you know, the sti and evo are very close in comparison. There is a twincharged set up out by hahns and cobalts will be pushing 400 horse w/ this set up.
I never said the cobalt could be where the evo is w/ just bolt ons did i? Cobalts been out for 2 years whereas the evo has been out much longer... What do you expect out of GM?
I was never trying to compare these 2 cars in the first place until people were saying ****. I realize they're on 2 dif levels, but w/ the 10k price difference one would think they should be.
I could have gotten a used evo if i wanted to so I did have the money for that, but I could not get past the purple seats.. ew
I never said the cobalt could be where the evo is w/ just bolt ons did i? Cobalts been out for 2 years whereas the evo has been out much longer... What do you expect out of GM?
I was never trying to compare these 2 cars in the first place until people were saying ****. I realize they're on 2 dif levels, but w/ the 10k price difference one would think they should be.
I could have gotten a used evo if i wanted to so I did have the money for that, but I could not get past the purple seats.. ew
The Evo will pull away from an Sti very hard up top. A SRT can barely hang w/ a Evo from a roll, and a SRT will destroy a SS from a roll stock for stock. Both I have experienced personally w/ both cars. Cobalt SS/SC looks very nice, I'll admit....But, GM killed it when they decided to supercharge it!
Originally Posted by l Sh1ft l
Why's everyone ripping on the cobalt? It has nothing to do w/ whoever wrote this FAKE thing. So if it's so slow why will a stock ss/sc run w/ a stock evo 8 from a roll? (Yes roll racing's gay) but it's not my fault they made our car front wheel drive.
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Originally Posted by LetItBreath
I didn't know that about the cobalt, that it was basically an Opel. I thought the Astras were rear drive though?(I'm probably thinkin of a different car) So has GM said **** it to developing new cars? The GTO was the same way, its a Holden Monaro with a V8...
Later
Last edited by Dayton_EVO; Aug 12, 2006 at 12:40 PM.
Originally Posted by l Sh1ft l
Top 10 douchebag cars
..10 Maserati: This car is in the number 10 spot only because of their lack of prescence on the road. Typical of a mid-30s douchebag, these cars can be found with their either wealthy or stupidly indebted owners driving like complete morons in thick midday traffic. When they aren't trying to impress high school sophomores with their rad fake ferraris they can be found laying black marks into onramps and nearly taking out soccer moms when they fail to signal while playing NASCAR on the highway.
..9 Civic Si: While most civics are owned by sensible motorists just wanting cheap transport, a small group of teenage douchebags, empowered by the fantastic scenes of speed in The Fast and the Fictious have decided that one car stands above all else as a powerhouse road rocket. They have chosen the anemic Civic Si to show the rest of the commuting world just who's boss. With it's stunning 170 HP, these buzzfarting pests can be seen slowly bumbling through traffic, racecar style, sometimes passing on shoulders and turn lanes to prove their macho vehicles are faster than anything they happen to pass, most of the time when no "race" of any sort is taking place.
..8 BMW 3-Series: Everyone's encountered these douchebags on the road. Yuppie with a cell phone up to his ear, crappy eurotrash technomusic blaring, chinese knock-off designer sunglasses on and a pink polo shirt with the collar popped like a pro. This metro douchebag has only one thing on his mind when he's driving, and that's proving how big a douchebag he really is to any and all drivers on the road. When you are at an intersection with a lane that ends, he will try to race you to get in front of you, when you are doing 15 over on the freeway, he will pretend to be agitated and floor his mighty 220 HP mill to flyby you and show that his vehicle is meant for autobahn speeds. Apparently the warranty as a clause about a free replacement vehicle if the car is damaged while running a red light or stop sign, regardless of age or mileage, so be careful when these crowning douchebags pull their ultimate driving machine up to the line, they might just cross it!
..7 Dodge Ram: This list wouldn't be complete without the country douchebag cousin. Out of all the trucks, none has spurned a douchebag craze like the Hemi toting ram. With it's big grille, sunburnt, dirty, tattoo'd arm hanging out the window, and a confederate flag adorning the rear window, this truckload of douchebaggery will bear down on any little car that happens to be in front of them, tail gating them until they can snarl their overstressed engine to gradually pass by. Loud and awful sounding exhausts along with gun racks and cam seat covers are common place on these rural douche haulers. Just make sure you have a decent bit of distance between these tailgating SOBs if you decide to brake check these lunatics, trucks aren't known for their ability to stop.
..6 Trans-Am: A hardy choice for a midlevel douchebag, Trans-ams are notorious for their owners complete lack of self control when it comes to showing off their badass plastic muscle car. Revving their obnoxiously loud engines at anything with 4 wheels and an audible engine, these douchebags are always looking for a chance to show off their douchebaggery. More often than not, some slack-jawed yokel, upon being called such, will utter phrases like "well what do you drive" or "my ****'s faster'n yours". This boondock douchebag call, while not limited to trans-am drivers, is often followed by a big burnout , no matter how thick the traffic is, and a middle finger. It should be noted, these douchebags appear to network with other douchebags to form douche convoys.
..5 Camaro SS: The companion douchebag to the trans-am, these ****y bastards have taken a notch above the trans-am because of the ego boost their SS badge gives them. SS, standing for Super Small, is a reference to their ***** size. Often the SS douchebag (lol sounds like a ship full of pussies) will try to show off for his inbred girlfriend by racing vehicles that aren't acknowledging a race, or participating in the douchebaggery of trans-am owners, as stated above. On top of burnouts, donuts, and being obnoxious, they firmly believe the SS badge of their Camaro gives them super powers over other Camaros, even V8s, inspite of a weight difference not over come by the marginal power difference.
..4 Mustang Cobra: The crowning douchebag of the V8, the Mustang Cobra reigns supreme in their godlike douchebaggery. Cobra douchebags suffer from a Napoleonic complex that their cars are the greatest vehicles ever made. The fact that can be fast is the primary fuel for this ego. However, when these douchebags are bested they fall back on a douchebag cliche as old as time. People who think their car sucks are jealous of it, and wish they could afford the bourgeois pricetag of a $27000-$30000 car. They are also prone to excuse making, from the design of the car, to the fact that some of these douchebags just don't know how to drive them. These are all excuses levied to try and quell the flood of criticism of the small-dicked, arrogant douchebag when they try to show off more than they are able.
..3 Subaru STi: The douchebag mobile for the 21st century is here. Complete with a simulated ***** enlarging function that gives the owners of these fugly shopping carts with engines the feeling they are more masculine than they truely are. Again spouting claims of jealous or inability to afford a cheap japanese import, the drivers of these cars are the first all-weather douchebags of the list. Because of mass advertising campaigns, the pinheaded morons driving these cars seem to think that any day, rain, snow, shine, or 3" of glaze ice is race day and will not hesitate to prove this to you, even if it means slamming into a telephone pole on a winter day. On top of that, the turbocharged engine gives these ***** a sense of superiority over other vehicles that don't have turbochargers. The douchebags brag about these fascinating pieces of technology, even if they haven't a clue how they work.
..2 Mitsubishi EVO: Thanks to a mass marketed hype, Mitsubishi was able to jump into the douchebag market with the Mitsubishi EVO, an ugly piece of junk that can best be described as a turbocharged chinese takeout box. Because of the hype and aura surrounded by these douchemobiles, their owners think their cars are invincible, able to best every and any car on the road or track, inspite of reality. Again jealousy is an issue with the owners of these rolling dumpsters because we all know people just wish they owned a $30000 Lancer with a hopped up engine. Additional "technology" features (including a massive wing inversely proportional to the owners ***** size) attract quasi-intelligent douchebags to these cars because they can pretend to explain how all the useless marketing features actually make their cars fast. Through extensive douchebag networking, a random douchebag always knows some other douchebag who is a friend of a douchebag with an Evo that runs single digits in the quarter mile. This information is bogus, and often imparted by a douchebag trying to impress non-douchebags about a hyped up douchemobile that he doesn't own. Races with these uber-fast EVOs never materialize either. Fortunately, the hype on these vehicles is fading away, but egos remain higher than ever as a result, with douchebags desperate to prove how badass they can be by racing anything on the road.
and now...
The Number 1 Douchebag Vehicle of All
Dodge Neon SRT4: The ultimate in douchebaggery vehicles. A worthless turd of a vehicle, slapped together by the company that brought you the Ram, comes a douchemobile of unimaginable proportions. There is not a single owner of these vehicles that isnt faithful to the douchebag way of life. Whether it's talking up their slow piece of crap and never running it, making every excuse from the douchebag rolodex of BS reasons why they won't race or lost a race, or simply doing childish douchebag things like weaving, blowing through redlights, flooring it at every opportunity, burnouts in traffic, revving at cars two lanes over and in front of them, racing in traffic, nearly rear ending cars, losing control and flying off a road while attempting to race a car that wasn't race, NASCAR impersonations, trying to show off to their ugly girlfriend how macho they are by being a complete moron, pretending parking lots are rally tracks, and thinking they have the fastest car ever built, SRT4 owners do it all. They are world class, award winning, grade A douchebags that need to be stomped, laughed at, outrun, and outdone in every car related anything they bring their pieces of crap too. Even Dodge thought they created a douchebag monster they couldn't control so they axed it. Above it all, these douchebags are in intense denial about one thing: THEY DRIVE NEONS. Neons will never be cool, respectable, awesome, attractive, or have a legacy other than being pre-form scrap metal. Douche on SRT4 owners, douche on!
..10 Maserati: This car is in the number 10 spot only because of their lack of prescence on the road. Typical of a mid-30s douchebag, these cars can be found with their either wealthy or stupidly indebted owners driving like complete morons in thick midday traffic. When they aren't trying to impress high school sophomores with their rad fake ferraris they can be found laying black marks into onramps and nearly taking out soccer moms when they fail to signal while playing NASCAR on the highway.
..9 Civic Si: While most civics are owned by sensible motorists just wanting cheap transport, a small group of teenage douchebags, empowered by the fantastic scenes of speed in The Fast and the Fictious have decided that one car stands above all else as a powerhouse road rocket. They have chosen the anemic Civic Si to show the rest of the commuting world just who's boss. With it's stunning 170 HP, these buzzfarting pests can be seen slowly bumbling through traffic, racecar style, sometimes passing on shoulders and turn lanes to prove their macho vehicles are faster than anything they happen to pass, most of the time when no "race" of any sort is taking place.
..8 BMW 3-Series: Everyone's encountered these douchebags on the road. Yuppie with a cell phone up to his ear, crappy eurotrash technomusic blaring, chinese knock-off designer sunglasses on and a pink polo shirt with the collar popped like a pro. This metro douchebag has only one thing on his mind when he's driving, and that's proving how big a douchebag he really is to any and all drivers on the road. When you are at an intersection with a lane that ends, he will try to race you to get in front of you, when you are doing 15 over on the freeway, he will pretend to be agitated and floor his mighty 220 HP mill to flyby you and show that his vehicle is meant for autobahn speeds. Apparently the warranty as a clause about a free replacement vehicle if the car is damaged while running a red light or stop sign, regardless of age or mileage, so be careful when these crowning douchebags pull their ultimate driving machine up to the line, they might just cross it!
..7 Dodge Ram: This list wouldn't be complete without the country douchebag cousin. Out of all the trucks, none has spurned a douchebag craze like the Hemi toting ram. With it's big grille, sunburnt, dirty, tattoo'd arm hanging out the window, and a confederate flag adorning the rear window, this truckload of douchebaggery will bear down on any little car that happens to be in front of them, tail gating them until they can snarl their overstressed engine to gradually pass by. Loud and awful sounding exhausts along with gun racks and cam seat covers are common place on these rural douche haulers. Just make sure you have a decent bit of distance between these tailgating SOBs if you decide to brake check these lunatics, trucks aren't known for their ability to stop.
..6 Trans-Am: A hardy choice for a midlevel douchebag, Trans-ams are notorious for their owners complete lack of self control when it comes to showing off their badass plastic muscle car. Revving their obnoxiously loud engines at anything with 4 wheels and an audible engine, these douchebags are always looking for a chance to show off their douchebaggery. More often than not, some slack-jawed yokel, upon being called such, will utter phrases like "well what do you drive" or "my ****'s faster'n yours". This boondock douchebag call, while not limited to trans-am drivers, is often followed by a big burnout , no matter how thick the traffic is, and a middle finger. It should be noted, these douchebags appear to network with other douchebags to form douche convoys.
..5 Camaro SS: The companion douchebag to the trans-am, these ****y bastards have taken a notch above the trans-am because of the ego boost their SS badge gives them. SS, standing for Super Small, is a reference to their ***** size. Often the SS douchebag (lol sounds like a ship full of pussies) will try to show off for his inbred girlfriend by racing vehicles that aren't acknowledging a race, or participating in the douchebaggery of trans-am owners, as stated above. On top of burnouts, donuts, and being obnoxious, they firmly believe the SS badge of their Camaro gives them super powers over other Camaros, even V8s, inspite of a weight difference not over come by the marginal power difference.
..4 Mustang Cobra: The crowning douchebag of the V8, the Mustang Cobra reigns supreme in their godlike douchebaggery. Cobra douchebags suffer from a Napoleonic complex that their cars are the greatest vehicles ever made. The fact that can be fast is the primary fuel for this ego. However, when these douchebags are bested they fall back on a douchebag cliche as old as time. People who think their car sucks are jealous of it, and wish they could afford the bourgeois pricetag of a $27000-$30000 car. They are also prone to excuse making, from the design of the car, to the fact that some of these douchebags just don't know how to drive them. These are all excuses levied to try and quell the flood of criticism of the small-dicked, arrogant douchebag when they try to show off more than they are able.
..3 Subaru STi: The douchebag mobile for the 21st century is here. Complete with a simulated ***** enlarging function that gives the owners of these fugly shopping carts with engines the feeling they are more masculine than they truely are. Again spouting claims of jealous or inability to afford a cheap japanese import, the drivers of these cars are the first all-weather douchebags of the list. Because of mass advertising campaigns, the pinheaded morons driving these cars seem to think that any day, rain, snow, shine, or 3" of glaze ice is race day and will not hesitate to prove this to you, even if it means slamming into a telephone pole on a winter day. On top of that, the turbocharged engine gives these ***** a sense of superiority over other vehicles that don't have turbochargers. The douchebags brag about these fascinating pieces of technology, even if they haven't a clue how they work.
..2 Mitsubishi EVO: Thanks to a mass marketed hype, Mitsubishi was able to jump into the douchebag market with the Mitsubishi EVO, an ugly piece of junk that can best be described as a turbocharged chinese takeout box. Because of the hype and aura surrounded by these douchemobiles, their owners think their cars are invincible, able to best every and any car on the road or track, inspite of reality. Again jealousy is an issue with the owners of these rolling dumpsters because we all know people just wish they owned a $30000 Lancer with a hopped up engine. Additional "technology" features (including a massive wing inversely proportional to the owners ***** size) attract quasi-intelligent douchebags to these cars because they can pretend to explain how all the useless marketing features actually make their cars fast. Through extensive douchebag networking, a random douchebag always knows some other douchebag who is a friend of a douchebag with an Evo that runs single digits in the quarter mile. This information is bogus, and often imparted by a douchebag trying to impress non-douchebags about a hyped up douchemobile that he doesn't own. Races with these uber-fast EVOs never materialize either. Fortunately, the hype on these vehicles is fading away, but egos remain higher than ever as a result, with douchebags desperate to prove how badass they can be by racing anything on the road.
and now...
The Number 1 Douchebag Vehicle of All
Dodge Neon SRT4: The ultimate in douchebaggery vehicles. A worthless turd of a vehicle, slapped together by the company that brought you the Ram, comes a douchemobile of unimaginable proportions. There is not a single owner of these vehicles that isnt faithful to the douchebag way of life. Whether it's talking up their slow piece of crap and never running it, making every excuse from the douchebag rolodex of BS reasons why they won't race or lost a race, or simply doing childish douchebag things like weaving, blowing through redlights, flooring it at every opportunity, burnouts in traffic, revving at cars two lanes over and in front of them, racing in traffic, nearly rear ending cars, losing control and flying off a road while attempting to race a car that wasn't race, NASCAR impersonations, trying to show off to their ugly girlfriend how macho they are by being a complete moron, pretending parking lots are rally tracks, and thinking they have the fastest car ever built, SRT4 owners do it all. They are world class, award winning, grade A douchebags that need to be stomped, laughed at, outrun, and outdone in every car related anything they bring their pieces of crap too. Even Dodge thought they created a douchebag monster they couldn't control so they axed it. Above it all, these douchebags are in intense denial about one thing: THEY DRIVE NEONS. Neons will never be cool, respectable, awesome, attractive, or have a legacy other than being pre-form scrap metal. Douche on SRT4 owners, douche on!
Originally Posted by tvbf1
Even though driving an Evo, I do agree with this. I hate those drives SRT. They always rev up on me even though going on different directions. But what I hate the most is that I when i see another Evo, I try to say what's up, give the peace sign or hang loose. But 90% of the time, i get them reving up on me or made it look as though their stock Evo VIII is better then mine. Some Evo owners attitudeds really sucks. Has it ever happened to any of you guys?
Originally Posted by caligula
do you know what GM stand's for? General Moron's,and even if they put a turbo on the cobalt it wont be as quick as an evo.
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Originally Posted by <4G63>Inside
Evo and Sti are very close 0-60 and 1/4 mile (stock), but NOT roll races! The Evo will pull away from an Sti very hard up top. A SRT can barely hang w/ a Evo from a roll, and a SRT will destroy a SS from a roll stock for stock. Both I have experienced personally w/ both cars. Cobalt SS/SC looks very nice, I'll admit....But, GM killed it when they decided to supercharge it!
The Evo will pull away from an Sti very hard up top. A SRT can barely hang w/ a Evo from a roll, and a SRT will destroy a SS from a roll stock for stock. Both I have experienced personally w/ both cars. Cobalt SS/SC looks very nice, I'll admit....But, GM killed it when they decided to supercharge it!A stock 03-04 Evo VIII will not pull away from a stock 04-05 STi up top especially the 05. I own both and can verify this stock for stock with good drivers any day of the week and have for the last 2 years or so with the same results every time. The Evo IX will pull away from and 04-06 STi but not by very much. It helps when the Evo IX is underated in HP to be able to do this, as many have discussed on this forum. SRT-4's are quick and can be very fast, but they have major traction issues to deal with. Cobalt SS/SC is fine the way it is. With a pully upgrade they can add much more boost with a MAF Translator and upgraded injectors as well. Less than $600 for 3 parts to get 270-280 whp, not bad I must say and No lag.
Last edited by Dayton_EVO; Aug 12, 2006 at 12:47 PM.
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1. I thought it was kinda funny, it had its moments.
2. The Cobalt may have extreme examples of high horsepower and great handling when backed by GM racing programs, but in the hands of the typical end user, does not produce numbers like the typical tuned evo.
3. If you really thought you would not be flamed invading another forum and posting this up you are in denial and truly naive. Its still trolling no matter how you preface it.
4. Saying "my car +X cash difference" in what someone else paid for a car is ricer BS garbage. IF that were the case we'd probably all should drive $1000 Fox Body Mustangs with 10K invested.
2. The Cobalt may have extreme examples of high horsepower and great handling when backed by GM racing programs, but in the hands of the typical end user, does not produce numbers like the typical tuned evo.
3. If you really thought you would not be flamed invading another forum and posting this up you are in denial and truly naive. Its still trolling no matter how you preface it.
4. Saying "my car +X cash difference" in what someone else paid for a car is ricer BS garbage. IF that were the case we'd probably all should drive $1000 Fox Body Mustangs with 10K invested.
Last edited by GPTourer; Aug 12, 2006 at 03:35 PM.
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Originally Posted by GPTourer
1. I thought it was kinda funny, it had its moments.
2. The Cobalt may have extreme examples of high horsepower and great handling when backed by GM racing programs, but in the hands of the typical end user, does not produce numbers like the typical tuned evo.
3. If you really thought you would not be flamed invading another forum and posting this up you are in denial and truly naive. Its still trolling no matter how you preface it.
4. Saying "my car +X cash difference" in what someone else paid for a car is ricer BS garbage. IF that were the case we'd probably all should drive $1000 Fox Body Mustangs with 10K invested.
2. The Cobalt may have extreme examples of high horsepower and great handling when backed by GM racing programs, but in the hands of the typical end user, does not produce numbers like the typical tuned evo.
3. If you really thought you would not be flamed invading another forum and posting this up you are in denial and truly naive. Its still trolling no matter how you preface it.
4. Saying "my car +X cash difference" in what someone else paid for a car is ricer BS garbage. IF that were the case we'd probably all should drive $1000 Fox Body Mustangs with 10K invested.
I was not aware until after I thought about my thread title that this would happen haha. I understand where people may have thought a cobalt driver wrote this because of the thread title but I thought if people actually read the thread and saw that it was found on srt-4 forums, then they would not be so mad. I don't know why you guys are mad though... Evo's fly and look hella nice so who cares what some guy types about it. Prolly a sunfire or cavalier owner.
This coming from someone who owns a GM automobile...HA HA HA When was the last time you heard someone bragging about their cobalt? I am pretty sure nobody is gettin laid by tellin the ladies they drive a cobalt. Just my opinion...
When was the last time you heard someone bragging about their cobalt? I am pretty sure nobody is gettin laid by tellin the ladies they drive a cobalt. Just my opinion...
cobalt's can be quick(with GM unlimited sponsorship money they have taken over import drag racing, except all motor where honda reigns)but most of us have never seen a street driven cobalt tear up the track or run faster than a 14 at the strip. i don't see how mitsubishi "mass marketed" the evo either, i've seen about 1 magazine ad and never have seen an evo tv commercial so i don't see where that comes from.